OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
