there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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