Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
