I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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