Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looked like the before picture.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm at about main and main street
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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