Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
