do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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