burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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