life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
