Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
