dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
