i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
