I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize