i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
