we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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