i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
