maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
