It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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