went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
