Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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