If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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