but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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