Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
