do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
