She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
