it wasn't lemon gatorade
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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