I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
