I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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