My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
