You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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