are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
