If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
