margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
