That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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