Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
