good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
