I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
