You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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