Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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