guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
