I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
