I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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