Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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