She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
