am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
