Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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