just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
