So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
