I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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