At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
youre lurking in front of me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize