pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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