I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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