Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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