I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
