Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
