please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
