Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
