hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
