you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
