Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
