there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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