you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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