how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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