I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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