you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
