after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
