Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
