I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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