im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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