In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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