OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
