I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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