he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
