i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
