your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
